My next article on this site is not going to be vengeful, angry, or depressing. I will try not to do that anymore… I have had such a pissy mood streak! I found my dress. It is off-white with designs around the top and plain cream on the bottom. I think I’ve finally decided that I am going to fix up the skirt part a little to make it more… not plain. I might put a picture of it on here… if I knew how! My shoulders look massive… very manly. But hey, maybe one day a guy will appre...

Don’t you stupid bitches kid yourselves. I am sick and tired of people saying, “You’re beautiful, and you don’t need to be on a diet.” You know what? You are not the one who was abandoned… not knowing what you did wrong! You were never in my shoes, and until you are abandoned by someone you love… you never fucking will be!! Then, every morning when you stare at your scarred body… you will wish the person who drove you to that to die and rot in hell. Until then… you will never unders...

I’ll never be smart enough to be a National Scholar I’ll never play good enough make the United States Marine Corps Band I’ll never patient enough be a doctor I’ll never be pretty enough to make the cover of a magazine I’ll never be thin enough to be claimed as someone’s wife I’ll never be a calm, laid back person I’ll never be good enough for anyone I’ll never be perfect… no matter how hard I try. ~Never EVER Miss America

The reason I have started this diet? One, for competition… The other… because apparently, my personality repels every fucking guy I have ever come to care for. So since I cannot attract a guy with my smart, funny, talented personality… I had better have a nice body to make up for it. Besides, is there even ONE fucking guy out there who cares about who a person really is? Or does every single guy play a stupid little “Oh, I love you so much” game just to be physical with her? J...

People say I’m not fat, I say I am. I could be thinner… a lot thinner. So I need to start a diet. I don’t even know where to start… I know that I am going to try to avoid chocolate as much as possible before competition. Sigh, no more fudge rounds for lunch. No more cookies… I don’t even want to think about it. And maybe eat more fruits and vegetables. Should I avoid meat? Will being a vegetarian make you lose body fat? I don’t know if I can even do that… I absolutely love ste...

Shopping for the necessities was quite… “interesting” to say the least. I have to find a dress… an “evening gown” for the formal dress competition. So, I decide to look for the cheapies you find after high school proms are over. I found beautiful dresses on sale… for a whopping $70. And they were returnables! Well, I tried oodles on. Blues, Creams, Purples, Whites… there was even a flipping rainbow one. The one that I loved… I mean loved… was this white strapless gown with silver...

I am Never-Miss-America… Well, my real name is Sam. This is my online diary of the upcoming months until my beauty pageant. Sort of like a “Teen” Miss America. My mom sort of pushed me into this… kind of. She nudged me and said I can use my so-called “beauty” to get me somewhere. I applied around August of 2004. I was crossing my fingers all the way up into December that I would be a State Finalist. I was looking forward to telling my boyfriend at the time whether I made it or ...